Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Enjoy Your Stress-Free Sunday

Here. Start with this….

@TSNBobMcKenzie

NJD GM Lou Lamoriello was in TOR last night to meet with Zach Parise, who will decide within the hour if he is going to UFA at noon ET.

More in a minute, but nothing earth shattering.  So, don’t get all excited.

I’m only talking to people I trust today, people who won’t tell me bad things and lies just to watch me react in a way that makes them laugh, like I do at Blues fans when they’re sad. 

So, I’ll be checking here and most likely dying slowly with 19 of you. And I’ll be doing that (checking in and also dying slowly because I suck so very bad) from the golf course.

Key phrase today: Signing bonus.  Unlimited, obscene, absolutely impossible to turn down signing bonuses. Two of them.  In the gazillions.  Do it Mike. 

Key phrases that would me me frigging lose it, and I mean absolutely lose it today:

“We like our core and didn’t need to do as much as we first thought.”
—No you don’t and no you didn’t back in February, March, whenever, when you said you were going to be aggressive on 1 July.  Liar.

“Too rich. Too steep. Too much. Too high.”
—Too. Fuching. Bad.  If I hear those words, somebody needs to just go home.  Is Mike Ilitch going to say them?  No? Then spend, bitch. Spend it all.  Yeah, Kenny, that’s you and I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.

“Cory Emmerton”
—If Ken Holland uses those two words, like that, in that order, without the words “trade” or “traded” within four words of the “Cory Emmerton” combination, then I’m going to just vomit on the spot.  Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, try and convince me this kid is a reason we didn’t deal for Parise, Semin, Nash or Gerard Gallant.

“We’ll keep kicking tires”
—I hate that phrase anyway, “kicking tires.”  If we hear that today it means we’ve been shut out and bent over.  Don’t even talk to the media if you don’t come back with some real cheese Kenny. I don’t want the 30 slice packs. I want a block of really good cheddar. And if you can’t score it? Well, you just stay silent because I don’t want to hear the bullshit.

I want to hear two things today. One from Holland and one from Ilitch. Ready?

“This is the day we’ve been planning for since last July. For a year this is exactly how we envisioned it.  Zach and Ryan were the two guys we’ve been targeting, scouting, petting and giving secret money to via off shore accounts and go-betweens who may or may not be connected to Greek crime syndicates. We’re happy today.”

And…

“Cuppy. Cuppy. Cuppy.”

Oh, and anyone who doesn’t believe Brodeur’s in Chicago by 1700 raise your hand. No? Nobody? I didn’t think so.  He’s a Hawk already, I’m betting.

I’m off to the golf course. Please, baby Jesus. Please, please, please bring me what I want today.

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Comments

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HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Maxin’ and Relaxin’

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:17 AM ET

creasemonkey's avatar

About to go to sleep, so my worry will be saved up for when I’m catching up on the RSS hockey feeds.

Posted by creasemonkey from sweet home san diego on 07/01/12 at 10:22 AM ET

Keyser S.'s avatar

Nervous wreck all day. I expect praise and suter. Make it so #1.

Posted by Keyser S. on 07/01/12 at 10:25 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I actually feel surprisingly optimistic today.  I just don’t see it going wrong for us.  So many different combo’s could work out and no matter what, we’re going to get a good idea of what the new look of the DRW will be and THAT’s really what’s had me on the edge of my seat. 

I really think Smith is legit and he’s going to bring it this year, especially with spots up for grabs.  Most excited about him on D this coming season.

Healthy, Cleary can put up 20 goals.  slotted on the third line, he’d produce and push the weakest top 6er at any given time.

Bert won how many games for us in the shootout?  He’s like an ace up your sleeve with that shit.  An old Sasquatch is STILL a Sasquatch.

Nyquil in there.  He’s got great creativity and can roll with the big dogs as far as playing HIS game.

We’re lookin’ good boys,  plug a couple holes, one big gun and couple hole fillers and we’re rockin’ and rollin’.  Easy peasy japaneasy

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:30 AM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 07/01/12 at 10:30 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

btw, I thought about it and really, the departure of Hudler is what we need for Nyquist to be able to move up and I think he’s got 20 goals in him in his rookie season easy if he gets top 6 minutes.  So there’s Hudlers 25, I’m callin’ it now. 

Today just keeps getting better.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:38 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

No bargain basement bullsh*t this year! It’s big names or bust and we all know it. I want Matt Carle (or better), and a top six of your choice or I’m pissed! No mental preparations will save us from the gut wrenching disappointment of getting a couple no name, league minimum dorks. Stand tall and proud and admit that this team will NOT be ok without adding high quality players before the season starts. as it stands there is not enough talent on this roster to make any noise this season. Accept your nerves! They are there because you know what this team needs, and you care!

Posted by NHLrick on 07/01/12 at 01:29 AM ET

Attaboy!  that’s the spirit that makes us who we are!  paranoid, never satisfied, delusional, we’ve got it all.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 10:40 AM ET

Avatar

Last night, I dreamt that Detroit bagged both Suter and Parise.

Before Game 7 2009 Finals, I dreamt that Pittsburgh beat Detroit.

Something to think about…

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 10:41 AM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

If Emmerton is a regular this fall I think I’m gonna jump off a bridge.
I want Parise, Suter and Prust!

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 07/01/12 at 10:43 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 09:41 AM ET

Are you telling me I can blame you for *#$%@& up our 12th?>

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:44 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by Vladimir16 on 07/01/12 at 09:43 AM ET

Love it!

I agree completely about Emmerton.  Nice kid.  No room.  Lacks some compete.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:48 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

“We’re going to sign somebody, but the core of our defense is what we’ve got here now,” general manager Ken Holland said. “We’ve got all these bodies, and we think they need opportunity. Do we want to add another defenseman? Yes. But part of the solution has to be what we got here. Everybody has to be a little bit better.”


HAHAHAHAHA Chief and all you Bastards like me.  Our defensive core is in place, but we will look to add “another” defenseman.  OMG, Read “probably not going to be a #1 defenseman, but probably someone.”

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 10:49 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I agree completely about Emmerton.  Nice kid.  No room.  Lacks some compete.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 09:48 AM ET

Yes, Emmerton is going to be a regular in the NHL, but barring injuries or a big dump of Abdelkader and Eaves, it won’t be on Detroit this year.  He will land somewhere, possibly a top 6 eventually, but has no chance to develop in that role in Detroit.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 10:52 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Nervewracking day.  Countin on you TickTock.  Do it.

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 07/01/12 at 10:57 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I’ve been following along the past couple months.  I’ve chosen to merely lurk in the shadows. The anticipation and the waiting is the hard part, and that’s almost over.

And so we wait.  A few more hours.  And I’m still as clueless as to what will actually happen as I was a month ago.  That is all.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 01:33 AM ET

West Wing, you lifted that word for word from my autobiography, “Karen and I”, under production as a made for TV movie on Lifetime network.
NVG

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:08 AM ET

Avatar

@HockeytownOverhaul

Believe me, I was super bummed. I wanted to believe I was wrong. But when it happened, I was resigned to it.

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 11:09 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

NHL.com is not helping to lower stress at all with this headline.  Imagine what will happen if both Parise and Suter sign with their old clubs, and 28 clubs jump over the cliff to implement their Plan Bs immediately.  Chaos.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:15 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Stressed. Even more ‘cause I won’t be able to check the news for most of the day.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/01/12 at 11:17 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 10:09 AM ET

I hope your Gypsy Magic pulls through today

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:20 AM ET

Paul's avatar

Holland spotted driving around gas stations, trying to figure out which one to stop at.

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 07/01/12 at 11:20 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

What’s your number Herm? I get free international

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:23 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Duuuuude

55-11-6740-4479

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/01/12 at 11:26 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Holland spotted driving around gas stations, trying to figure out which one to stop at.

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 07/01/12 at 10:20 AM ET

hahahahahaha

What about this, copying myself from TMR -
Looking at the UFA list , you know who stands out?  Well, anybody,  but P.A. Parenteau
18 - 49 - 67
with the NY Islanders.

His Cap hit was $1.25 ! 

Shit, he’s in for a huge pay day somewhere.  I don’t know him at all, but 67 points for the Islanders is pretty impressive.

6-0, 193, 29 years old

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:30 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

shock

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 07/01/12 at 11:35 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Custance says Wings intrigued with Jonas Gustavsson for backup spot.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/01/12 at 11:40 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Hope that’s your number Herm cause someone is going to get a FA signing update regardless

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:45 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

LoL, I know, I hope so too

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:45 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

The Taiwanese dude is gonna be pleased when he gets the updates, hehe

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/01/12 at 11:47 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Backup in Winnipeg last year?  27 years old. .902 %.  Probably serviceable and was in the price range the Wings spend on back up goalies, $1.25.

I keep forgetting they want to spend money on a G as well.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:48 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I’ll make start following the team.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:49 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

make him*

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:49 AM ET

monkey's avatar

“We’ll keep kicking tires”

And chasing windmills.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 11:50 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I hope Kenny has his cell phone battery all charged up.

Even better, I hope there are people still worth calling this afternoon.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:50 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Holland spotted driving around gas stations, trying to figure out which one to stop at.

He should just stop at the same one, same pump, and wait.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 11:51 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I’m switching from coffee to India Pale Ale.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:52 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I’ll see your IPA and raise you Captain and pineapple juice.  I’m bout to put on some buffett and enjoy the next hour in style

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 11:56 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Last night, I dreamt that Detroit bagged both Suter and Parise.

Before Game 7 2009 Finals, I dreamt that Pittsburgh beat Detroit.

Something to think about…

I dreamed about the death of Gene Roddenberry prior to the actual event.  Not a Star Trek fan, never have been (I have seen some of the movies).  I still remember it so well- when I saw it on the news in school (who remembers Channel 1?) I thought they were making a mistake, running old news.  “I thought that happened a month ago.”

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 11:57 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 10:52 AM ET

Did you lose power at all?  Ours was out for about 19 hours.  Apparently we’re lucky.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 11:58 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I’ll see your IPA and raise you Captain and pineapple juice.  I’m bout to put on some buffett and enjoy the next hour in style

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 10:56 AM ET

Tasty!  I need to reconsider, but something quick.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 11:59 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Bill, your stalking skills would have made a truly entertaining episode of Michigan Outdoors.  You and Mort Neff waiting in the brush outside of Karen’s home.  Good stuff.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 12:02 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com