Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Eastward Bound Via Bullet Bob

It all comes back to Seger, back to Bullet Bob. Because it must. It's been decreed for 8 years.  Seger will guide us we'll follow him blindly.

We're going to see some old friends because Seger told us it's good for our soul. We've headed East because he said that a change would do us good.

On to the East because it makes sense. And it should have happened a decade ago back when our shrew commissioner told us it would. But he lied because that's what shrews do.  He lied like my babysitter did when I was six. That skank. I told her that all I wanted was to watch the damn Jerry Lewis Movie Marathon on Channel 25 in Saginaw at 4pm and she said she'd come get me when it was on but every time I asked what time it was she'd say "about that time" and I'd go back into my room and I missed the whole damn thing because her fat ass wanted to watch soaps. 

Well? It's about that time.

Jimmy D and Mr. I and Tick Tock? They're too smart to let it out, but I'll say it: we were promised the East but the East didn't come because Bettman was too busy riding the backs of the Winged Wheel to inflate the bullshit teams in places like Nashville, Phoenix, and Columbus. He was too busy helping hockey-dumb owners in Anaheim, LA, San Jose rake in the cash by doubling prices every time the Wings and our transplants hit town.

Well, see ya. And Good Frigging Riddance.  Because we're eastbound where we belonged years ago.
And as we leave? You can kiss our asses in Denver. Pucker up with your two bogus Cups, your idiotically retired sweaters, your spritzers and your oh-it's-so-tough-to-sleep beat writers. Suck it.  Take your statue of liberty and your 7-0 ass kicking in a game seven, take your Lemieuxs and your "footers" your Floppas, your endless youth movements, your carousel of coaches and your 6 fans..and shove them up your mile high Quebec stealing asses.

As we leave? You scumbags in St. Louis can suck it too.  Your "fuch Detroits"? Ha. Fuch you. Again. Every time. Every playoff series. Every Cup we've raised? Suck it. Take your Pall Malls and hand them to your sister/cousins.  We owned your asses for twenty years and you have nothing to show for it but bitterness and bile.  See ya.

Screw the West. Bring on the East.

Bring us your Rosbys, your fake captains with the "Made in Gary's Fantasy" tramp stamps. Bring us your Charas and watch him chase Datsyuk like a pregnant moose.  Bring us your badass "physical play" and watch your golden Swede defector pot PP goal after goal.

It's on now.  On to the East where we should have been if not for a midget with an agenda.

It's a Live Blog, bitches.  With an Eastern slant like it should have been years ago.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

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Red Winger's avatar

Damn, it’s good to have hockey back!!

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 08:20 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Number one penalty kill in the NHL bitches”

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 08:21 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Would love to see Weiss get one early to get some confidence going

Posted by Hootinani on 10/02/13 at 08:21 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Love the PK and the shorthanded opp.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 08:22 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Holy Balls.. it’s only game one and I’m going out of my fuching mind.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 10/02/13 at 08:22 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Couple good chances, crowd seems ready to blow the roof off

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 08:22 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

They’ve already put in more effort in the first 7 minutes of this game than they did in the first 20 games last season.  They look pumped

Posted by Hootinani on 10/02/13 at 08:23 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Pretty sure top 3 is the same as top 4

Posted by pgoody on 10/02/13 at 08:24 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

Ask Eddie about Z’s defense and you’ll hear something about subtle interference.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 10/02/13 at 08:25 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Pretty sure top 3 is the same as top 4

Posted by pgoody on 10/02/13 at 08:24 PM ET

Shhh, Eddie hasn’t learned his 4s yet

Posted by Hootinani on 10/02/13 at 08:26 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

*#$%@& Appleraper trying to hit Datsyuk now… dafuq?

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 08:26 PM ET

Bent's avatar

So close.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 10/02/13 at 08:27 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Digging Weiss’ effort so far.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 08:27 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Filppula who?

Posted by Hootinani on 10/02/13 at 08:27 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

it is going to take me a bit to realize #11 is Alfie and not Buckets

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 10/02/13 at 08:28 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Had a stupid meeting tonight, just got in.

Have Holland and Babcock been summarily fired for not winning the Stanley Cup in the first 10 minutes of the season?

Posted by dougie on 10/02/13 at 08:28 PM ET

monkey's avatar

This Weiss guy, he looks ok so far.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 08:29 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Great to see some excellent chances by Alfie and Weiss

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 08:29 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

When did Jaguar start producing the 2004-2006 Pontiac GTO?

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 08:29 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Had a stupid meeting tonight, just got in.

You were in charge I take it.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 08:29 PM ET

Yzersyuk's avatar

This team looks sharp like a goddam hanzo sword. Also I’m not supposed to be standing in front of the tv yelling this early in the season

Posted by Yzersyuk on 10/02/13 at 08:29 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Had a “stupid” meeting tonight, just got in.

you meeting with Prez O and Congress?

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 10/02/13 at 08:30 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

it is going to take me a bit to realize #11 is Alfie and not Buckets

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 10/02/13 at 08:28 PM ET

Yes I was just thinking that, but Alfie looks like a pretty big dude out there

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 08:30 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Posted by dougie on 10/02/13 at 08:28 PM ET

Hey, Dougie… Jesus Price, you’re such a downer. Can’t you wait until at least the end of the first period to call for their heads? :-p

Also, check your PMs if you haven’t already. Good to see you.

 

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 08:31 PM ET

dougie's avatar

You were in charge I take it.

Yes, and I excelled in all aspects. Dipshits knew the Wings were gonna be on, so they kept asking questions to delay me.

Posted by dougie on 10/02/13 at 08:31 PM ET

Avatar

Of course it’s Sammy…..hah

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Emo to Sammy?

Pinch me

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

Down River Dan's avatar

Have Holland and Babcock been summarily fired for not winning the Stanley Cup in the first 10 minutes of the season?


Not yet , but torches and pitchforks are being readied….. tongue wink

Posted by Down River Dan on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

I’m confident that Tatar and Gus would have two goals each by now.

And Sammy poops in the box.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Wow, Waiver Bait to William Tell on an incredible tip.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

Bent's avatar

Holy shit, Sammy?  A big FU to all of us with the first goal of the year?

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Sammy?

Sammy!

sweet, 1-0

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

Mandingo's avatar

HAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 10/02/13 at 08:32 PM ET

Sal's avatar

Mule’s sweater is tucked. No call (yet)
Poop in the box!

Posted by Sal from the shadow of the Great Smoky Mountains on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Of course its Sammy from Emmerton, who else would it be

Posted by Hootinani on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

Jennemy of the Skate's avatar

Sammy? Wut??? I’ll take it!

Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from the bar car on the stress train on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

Yzersyuk's avatar

Sammy with the boom. One of the few remaining sammy fans checkin in.

Posted by Yzersyuk on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Sammy?!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Evenin bitches. Tryin this hockey thing again just in time to see Sammy poop in the box. Woo

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Samuelsson tried to shoot it wide but he was just too close and couldn’t miss the net

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 08:33 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com