Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 10/02/13 at 05:53 PM ET
It all comes back to Seger, back to Bullet Bob. Because it must. It's been decreed for 8 years. Seger will guide us we'll follow him blindly.
We're going to see some old friends because Seger told us it's good for our soul. We've headed East because he said that a change would do us good.
On to the East because it makes sense. And it should have happened a decade ago back when our shrew commissioner told us it would. But he lied because that's what shrews do. He lied like my babysitter did when I was six. That skank. I told her that all I wanted was to watch the damn Jerry Lewis Movie Marathon on Channel 25 in Saginaw at 4pm and she said she'd come get me when it was on but every time I asked what time it was she'd say "about that time" and I'd go back into my room and I missed the whole damn thing because her fat ass wanted to watch soaps.
Well? It's about that time.
Jimmy D and Mr. I and Tick Tock? They're too smart to let it out, but I'll say it: we were promised the East but the East didn't come because Bettman was too busy riding the backs of the Winged Wheel to inflate the bullshit teams in places like Nashville, Phoenix, and Columbus. He was too busy helping hockey-dumb owners in Anaheim, LA, San Jose rake in the cash by doubling prices every time the Wings and our transplants hit town.
Well, see ya. And Good Frigging Riddance. Because we're eastbound where we belonged years ago.
And as we leave? You can kiss our asses in Denver. Pucker up with your two bogus Cups, your idiotically retired sweaters, your spritzers and your oh-it's-so-tough-to-sleep beat writers. Suck it. Take your statue of liberty and your 7-0 ass kicking in a game seven, take your Lemieuxs and your "footers" your Floppas, your endless youth movements, your carousel of coaches and your 6 fans..and shove them up your mile high Quebec stealing asses.
As we leave? You scumbags in St. Louis can suck it too. Your "fuch Detroits"? Ha. Fuch you. Again. Every time. Every playoff series. Every Cup we've raised? Suck it. Take your Pall Malls and hand them to your sister/cousins. We owned your asses for twenty years and you have nothing to show for it but bitterness and bile. See ya.
Screw the West. Bring on the East.
Bring us your Rosbys, your fake captains with the "Made in Gary's Fantasy" tramp stamps. Bring us your Charas and watch him chase Datsyuk like a pregnant moose. Bring us your badass "physical play" and watch your golden Swede defector pot PP goal after goal.
It's on now. On to the East where we should have been if not for a midget with an agenda.
It's a Live Blog, bitches. With an Eastern slant like it should have been years ago.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com