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Abel to Yzerman

Did You Wake Last Night To The Sound of Thunder, Blues Fans? Don’t Fret. Our Serial Killer’s Out

This made me weepy.

I tried, people, I really tried to be a REAL hockey fan. Briefly. If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

 

Posted by dougie on 01/19/13 at 03:12 PM ET

That pretty much sums it up.  Hockey's been on all day, allegedly. They raised their 8th seeded banner in LA before the heavily-favored-to-repeat Kings got smoked by the third-best team in the Central.  They renewed hostilities in Pennsylvania and I'll bet Rosby's been touched exactly once...by Gary Bettman, most likely.

And I tried to watch. Honestly. I wanted to be a good citizen.  But in the end?

I couldn't because--like Dougie--I just don't give a shit about the NHL, about hockey, about the purity of our sport and our precious league. 

Nope. All I really care about is Detroyet is playing hockey again.  The Blues will raise their Central Division yellow sticky in some corporately sponsored arena tonite and the Wings will watch and chortle.  They've been through these before...many, many times.  Division winners.  That's...nice.

The Wings are back, and they're back tonite.  Other hockey happens, I guess. And that's ok.  But it's all static.  It's all boring.  To us, and to millions.  You either love our Wings because baby Jesus decreed it, or you hate them because Detroit's owned your team for decades and months and days. 

St. Louis is a favorite, boy. And the Wings? Oh woe is us.  Like Jenny said earlier, everyone's all sad-face when they talk about us.  "This is the year, sigh..."  Ok.  Bookmark that shit.  Bookmark the naysayers.  

Say it again. St. Louis is a favorite.  That is awesome.  The little kids who could, who tried, who found so much regular season glory last year only to see a standard end to a normal Blues season, Cup-free again.

So raise that banner tonite, little Bitter ones. Raise the division crown high, high, high.  Bellow at it and shake your fists, Blues fans.  What an achievement.

Bullet Bob says not to worry because nothing's more fun to slap around than the Awkward Teenage Blues.  Take them out past the cornfield where the woods got heavy and give them the back of your hand.  Because division titles don't mean jack shit, Sally.  

Big brother's in town. Again.  It's a Live Blog, bitches.

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Comments

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Red Winger's avatar

This is only one game. Small sample size.

Posted by monkey from All hands, abandon ship. This is not a drill. on 01/19/13 at 10:16 PM ET

Because it is game one, and there was no training camp, really, I will be able to set this one aside and look to game two without an overabundance of fear.

I watched the Kings lay an egg in their game one today, so it happens. Some teams will come out of the gate strong, some will look they they are still in July-mode mentally.


We, obviously, are still in July.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 01/19/13 at 11:21 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Okay, no shorthanded goals against that time.  The PP is on the upswing!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:21 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

This should be Bab’s response..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb-hWG3cHMQ


But we know he won’t.  They’ll just get on the plane and head out of town….

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:22 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

So does Ericsson figure that dumping the puck into the side board is more reliable than passing to a teammate?  Cus I don’t blame him.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 01/19/13 at 11:22 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

So does Ericsson figure that dumping the puck into the side board is more reliable than passing to a teammate?  Cus I don’t blame him.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 01/19/13 at 10:22 PM ET

TOnight…yes

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:23 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

As bad as this is, I don’t think Lids would have made a difference.  This is a total team failure… from Babs on down.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 10:20 PM ET

You left out Mr. “We really like our team” Holland.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:23 PM ET

calquake's avatar

The PP is on the upswing!

They have a pill for that now.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 11:23 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I think Im going to just melt a big bowl of cheese with some nacho chips after this.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 01/19/13 at 11:24 PM ET

calquake's avatar

You left out Mr. “We really like our team” Holland.

You are correct Sir!

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 11:24 PM ET

monkey's avatar

They are who we thought they were! They are who we thought they were!

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 11:24 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

They have a pill for that now.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 10:23 PM ET

Schwing!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:24 PM ET

Mandingo's avatar

I think Im going to just melt a big bowl of cheese with some nacho chips after this.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 10:24 PM ET

That’s really the only rational response to something like this.

Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 01/19/13 at 11:25 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

I think Im going to just melt a big bowl of cheese with some nacho chips after this.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 10:24 PM ET

Living well, always the best revenge!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:25 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

I think Im going to just melt a big bowl of cheese with some nacho chips after this.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 10:24 PM ET

You and Franzen have plans?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 01/19/13 at 11:25 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

I think Im going to just melt a big bowl of cheese with some nacho chips after this.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 10:24 PM ET

As an alternative…try nuking a block of creme cheese so it’s juuuuust getting soft. Cover it in Salsa….and THEN go after it with chips.

Additionally..I"ve discovered that a pound of browned venison burger with salsa and creme chese alllll mixed up is just divine

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:26 PM ET

Mandingo's avatar

That pass from Franzen to Cleary was literally the worst pass I’ve ever seen made in the NHL.

Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 01/19/13 at 11:26 PM ET

calquake's avatar

That’s really the only rational response to something like this.

Other than lying on the floor of the Hasek, in the fetal position, in a pool of your own vomit.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 11:27 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

I had a chance to go out with some colleagues tonight, two of whom are single and so hot it’s stupid, but I declined, because it was opening night for my Wings.

I may as well find a monastery to live out my remaining years, because I don’t ever, EVER, deserve to have sex again after making such an idiotic decision.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 01/19/13 at 11:27 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

As an alternative…try nuking a block of creme cheese so it’s juuuuust getting soft. Cover it in Salsa….and THEN go after it with chips.

Additionally..I"ve discovered that a pound of browned venison burger with salsa and creme chese alllll mixed up is just divine

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 01/19/13 at 10:26 PM ET

Damn, talk about gilding the lily.  Shit I’m hungry now.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:27 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

in a pool of your own vomit.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 10:27 PM ET

What if it’s stonehands’ vomit?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:28 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

The Blues are just like last year, sticks in passing lanes, difficult to transition up the ice and control the puck.  They look like they haven’t missed a beat.

The Wings need to introduce themselves to each other.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 01/19/13 at 11:28 PM ET

monkey's avatar

That pass from Franzen to Cleary was literally the worst pass I’ve ever seen made in the NHL

You’ve never seen Ericsson play.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 11:28 PM ET

dougie's avatar

How about some melted cheese on those boobs behind Babcock?

Posted by dougie on 01/19/13 at 11:29 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

What if it’s stonehands’ vomit?

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 01/19/13 at 10:28 PM ET

Spare me the formality.  Since when have ever given a shit about whose vomit is whose.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:29 PM ET

calquake's avatar

What if it’s stonehands’ vomit?

He’s a buddy, it’s okay then.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 11:29 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Damn, talk about gilding the lily.  Shit I’m hungry now.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 10:27 PM ET

Ok so I had to look that up

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gilding+the+lily

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:30 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

You’ve never seen Ericsson play.

Posted by monkey from All hands, abandon ship. This is not a drill. on 01/19/13 at 10:28 PM ET

Haven’t you seen Ericsson’s side board dumps?  Compared to his teammates he has been down right responsible.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 01/19/13 at 11:30 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

What if it’s stonehands’ vomit?

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 01/19/13 at 10:28 PM ET

Spare me the formality.  Since when have ever given a shit about whose vomit is whose.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 10:29 PM ET


What if it’s stonehands’ vomit?

He’s a buddy, it’s okay then.

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 10:29 PM ET

Sweet

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:30 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

West Wing have you heard any reaction to the Sam Adams IPA?

I just don’t trust them with an IPA.  Especially because they brag about using British and European hops.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 01/19/13 at 11:32 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Ok a show of hands who just KNEW that was not going to go in


<—me

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:32 PM ET

calquake's avatar

I can hear it now… Voox behind the bar saying, “I really like our vomit.”

Posted by calquake on 01/19/13 at 11:32 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Haven’t you seen Ericsson’s side board dumps?

First Stonhands vomits and now Ericsson takes a dump along the wall.  He’s not the only Red Wing to crap all over the ice tonight.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 01/19/13 at 11:32 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

That was a great pass by Mule to Cleary in front of the net, because those three-foot-high passes going 45 mph are the easiest ones to one-time.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 01/19/13 at 11:33 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Kronner totally had him lined up

sad

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:33 PM ET

Mandingo's avatar

Hey! They broke double digits in shots!

Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 01/19/13 at 11:33 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Gus has given up zero goals. Goalie controversy.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 11:33 PM ET

bezukov's avatar
Haven’t you seen Ericsson’s side board dumps?

First Stonhands vomits and now Ericsson takes a dump along the wall.  He’s not the only Red Wing to crap all over the ice tonight.

Posted by WestWing from PortlandOregon on 01/19/13 at 10:32 PM ET 

Well least it slows down the Blues puck cycle.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 01/19/13 at 11:33 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Dammit I missed you bitches

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 11:34 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Blues haven’t scored since Monster has been in goal.  I think we’re on to something.

Shut. Whore. Mouth.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 01/19/13 at 11:34 PM ET

behind the net in G.R.'s avatar

A big brawl in the Griffins game 13 players ejected 5 were Griffins and a total of 192 penalty minutes.

Posted by behind the net in G.R. on 01/19/13 at 11:34 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com