Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Angst In Chicago

I don't want to get all gross about this, but late word filtering in from the A2Y interns via Northwood University is disturbing.  

According to them, Joel Quenneville woke up with large chunks of vomit stuck in that badger pelt he has attached to his upper lip.

Details are sketchy, as they often are here, but here's what we know.  Witnesses saw Quenneville take a tray of venison, a six pack of Hamms and a Glee cd down to his basement early last evening.  At some point, and this is vague, he stopped practicing the routine he's been working on for a dance-off coming up in Calumet Heights, accepted a phone call and searched frantically for 23 minutes before locating his remote...in the badger pelt.

Interns are certain about the rest. Certain.

Quenneville watched the Wings/Kings game from the mid-second period to its completion, crammed "humungous...ginormous" pieces of venison into his mouth and washed them down quicky with Hamms.  Over and over.  Then he passed out with the haunting sounds of Carly Simon in the background.

Joel Quenneville, as you're aware, was an assistant coach for the Denver Fuchtards in 1995-1996, into '97.  He left midseason to relieve insane Mike Keenan and led the upstart Blues to the playoffs.  Fans of the St. Louis franchise, previously slightly bitter and just a tiny bit paranoid about the Detroit Red Wings, were introduced to a new reality in April of that amazing calendar year, The Season Baby Jesus Brought Us What We Deserved.   Blues fans were taught a harsh lesson they'd be forced to learn redolently for the next fifteen years: they are the Wings' bitches, and the Wings enjoy the relationship.

Joel Quenneville did not resist and the Wings kept at it.  Year after year.  First round loss to the Wings in '97. Cup for Detroit. Second round loss to the Wings in '98.  Cup for Detroit. Second round loss to Detroit in '02.  Cup for Detroit. Shitcanned.  On to Denver.  Second round loss to Detroit.  Again. Cup for the Wings. Again.  On to Chicago and a conference finals loss.  To the Wings.

Joel Quenneville vomited himself to sleep last night because he's 0-5 against the Detroit Red Wings in warm weather situations, also known as the playoffs.  

Quenneville, who's never beaten the Detroit Red Wings in a playoff series...ever, woke up this morning with chunks of vomit in his epic mustache because the team he watched last night is a team he hoped he'd never see again.  Had he seen the February or March, or even early April Wings?  Shit...he'd have just kept dancing.

But instead he saw at least three lines that held on to the puck, created and flew. He saw a mobile young defense that is, somehow, really, really good.  He saw a goaltender that he knew was good, but is now excelling at a time when the pressure is greater than anything he's faced up to this point ever (failing now and stopping this streak would hurt this team more than losing to Bubba or Choking Jumbo Joe).

Most importantly, Quenneville watched a desperate team last night and he knows they're polishing that desperation, using it, maximizing it...getting into playoff form.  Quenneville's Hawks haven't been in "playoff form" for four years.

Oh they're good.  Yes they are.  But they want no part of the Wing team Quenneville watched last night.  

Hell, the Wings may not get in and the league will rejoice.  The entire league, to include all the executives (except maybe one), will rejoice. Make no mistake about that.  The only town that wants this streak to continue is Detroit, the only fans who want it to go on are us.  That's it and that's all.  

But if they do...if they do?  Joel Quenneville will not be happy. Not one bit.  

Because, and I don't know if I've said this or not, the Wings own his ass. 

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Comments

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Avatar

Hamms from sky blue waters. Is it still a buck fidy a 6 pack?
Here in GR,  it’s pretty pricey…about $2.40 for 6 (if you buy the 30-pack).

Used to be, a few years ago in the UP, I could get 12 cans of Hamm’s for the princely sum of $2.19.  It was glorious.

Posted by Garth on 04/25/13 at 04:19 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Just handle business tonight.  Minny can still shit the bed and we can pass them, yeah?  We can still shit the bed and ruin the streak.  Nothing’s in stone, I’ll let JQ sit at home and sweat, praying he doesn’t draw the Wings. 

The Wings though, need to worry about even making it.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 04/25/13 at 04:21 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Swagger is fun and all, but there’s a game to be played tonight.
First things first bitches. 2 points in regulation tonight.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 12:43 PM ET

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is where I’m at.

Swagger will be in full tilt AFTER the Wings secure a playoff berth.
Note to self, Shut. Whore. Mouth.

(No jink)

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/25/13 at 04:25 PM ET

RhymeTimeWingsDings's avatar

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 03:20 PM ET  

Yeah Lashoff was doing well but then hit his peak.  Plus B Smith makes nifty passes now.  Huskins did his thing as well.  But still even when guys came back there were different line combos every night, and sometimes switches in game too.  No one got in a groove cause it’s freaking impossible to without some sort of consistancy.  Idk whether it’s a curse or a blessing but Babcock’s patience is something else to keep Abby on the first line while watching game after game with no production.  Now that it seems the roster is decided on D and 95% forwards the team should excel.  White and Cola (upon injusry return) finally lost their spots to DeKeyser.  White and Cola are ok but they have different ups and downs. The rest of the team had to adjust for White’s tendancies then Cola’s making it hard to get used to playing as a cohesive unit.  DeKeyser may be only slighty better than the afore mentioned duo but because he’s out there full time now everyone knows what they’re getting.  On top of our forwards playing tighter. Winning is one thing winning in the playoffs is a whole nother monster.

Posted by RhymeTimeWingsDings on 04/25/13 at 04:58 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

I thought Lashoff did a great job too.

The NHL sucks as a professional sports league.  Just sucks.

The Tigers blew a lead again and lost big.

Come on, Red Wings, keep rolling.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/25/13 at 05:41 PM ET

Primis's avatar

I wouldn’t know what the official NHL app is like.

I can’t install on my tablet because it doesn’t have a GPS function that it would use to black me out of stuff, so it won’t let me install it at all.

The NHL, everyone!

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 07:26 PM ET

Forklift's avatar

We need a guest on this week’s Puckcast to represent the Hawks first round foes.

You guys know any bloggers from Columbus?

Posted by Forklift from Section 315 in the United Center on 04/25/13 at 09:33 PM ET

MsRedWingFan's avatar

Simply AWESOME Chief !!!!!!!!! grin

Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan hometown of Abdelkader on 04/29/13 at 03:47 PM ET

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com