Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Angst In Chicago

I don't want to get all gross about this, but late word filtering in from the A2Y interns via Northwood University is disturbing.  

According to them, Joel Quenneville woke up with large chunks of vomit stuck in that badger pelt he has attached to his upper lip.

Details are sketchy, as they often are here, but here's what we know.  Witnesses saw Quenneville take a tray of venison, a six pack of Hamms and a Glee cd down to his basement early last evening.  At some point, and this is vague, he stopped practicing the routine he's been working on for a dance-off coming up in Calumet Heights, accepted a phone call and searched frantically for 23 minutes before locating his remote...in the badger pelt.

Interns are certain about the rest. Certain.

Quenneville watched the Wings/Kings game from the mid-second period to its completion, crammed "humungous...ginormous" pieces of venison into his mouth and washed them down quicky with Hamms.  Over and over.  Then he passed out with the haunting sounds of Carly Simon in the background.

Joel Quenneville, as you're aware, was an assistant coach for the Denver Fuchtards in 1995-1996, into '97.  He left midseason to relieve insane Mike Keenan and led the upstart Blues to the playoffs.  Fans of the St. Louis franchise, previously slightly bitter and just a tiny bit paranoid about the Detroit Red Wings, were introduced to a new reality in April of that amazing calendar year, The Season Baby Jesus Brought Us What We Deserved.   Blues fans were taught a harsh lesson they'd be forced to learn redolently for the next fifteen years: they are the Wings' bitches, and the Wings enjoy the relationship.

Joel Quenneville did not resist and the Wings kept at it.  Year after year.  First round loss to the Wings in '97. Cup for Detroit. Second round loss to the Wings in '98.  Cup for Detroit. Second round loss to Detroit in '02.  Cup for Detroit. Shitcanned.  On to Denver.  Second round loss to Detroit.  Again. Cup for the Wings. Again.  On to Chicago and a conference finals loss.  To the Wings.

Joel Quenneville vomited himself to sleep last night because he's 0-5 against the Detroit Red Wings in warm weather situations, also known as the playoffs.  

Quenneville, who's never beaten the Detroit Red Wings in a playoff series...ever, woke up this morning with chunks of vomit in his epic mustache because the team he watched last night is a team he hoped he'd never see again.  Had he seen the February or March, or even early April Wings?  Shit...he'd have just kept dancing.

But instead he saw at least three lines that held on to the puck, created and flew. He saw a mobile young defense that is, somehow, really, really good.  He saw a goaltender that he knew was good, but is now excelling at a time when the pressure is greater than anything he's faced up to this point ever (failing now and stopping this streak would hurt this team more than losing to Bubba or Choking Jumbo Joe).

Most importantly, Quenneville watched a desperate team last night and he knows they're polishing that desperation, using it, maximizing it...getting into playoff form.  Quenneville's Hawks haven't been in "playoff form" for four years.

Oh they're good.  Yes they are.  But they want no part of the Wing team Quenneville watched last night.  

Hell, the Wings may not get in and the league will rejoice.  The entire league, to include all the executives (except maybe one), will rejoice. Make no mistake about that.  The only town that wants this streak to continue is Detroit, the only fans who want it to go on are us.  That's it and that's all.  

But if they do...if they do?  Joel Quenneville will not be happy. Not one bit.  

Because, and I don't know if I've said this or not, the Wings own his ass. 

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

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cigar_nurse's avatar

Beat the Q man like the crackhead bitch that he, his team or their bandwagoner fans are. I am not redolent but I knew a post like this was due.  Preach on Master Chief.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/25/13 at 11:03 AM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

I thought the Hawks and Kings were just too good for the Wings this year, but if they play like they did the past 2 games they can compete with anyone. Don’t want to jinx the kid but DeKeyser is *#$%@& BIG TIME.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 04/25/13 at 11:05 AM ET

gowings's avatar

Pure poetry to my ears….oh I so wish we can witness this vomit on his mustache this year….

Posted by gowings from MTL on 04/25/13 at 11:08 AM ET

SnLO's avatar

If Detroit was 6-2 in shootouts instead of 2-6 in shootouts; shit…the ‘stache, he’d have just kept dancing.

Posted by SnLO from beyond the M-1 on 04/25/13 at 11:14 AM ET

Surfer Ken's avatar

I love the smell of swagger in the morning.

Posted by Surfer Ken from San Clemente on 04/25/13 at 11:20 AM ET

Avatar

Que Carly Simon for Joey Q:  Datsyuk dekes Doughty “... How’d you learn to do the things you do…?”  the spy who loved me

Que Carly Simon for Joey Q:  Babcock walks behind the bench “... Well you walked into the party like you’re walking onto a yacht…”  you’re so vain

Posted by beelza on 04/25/13 at 11:30 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

I love seeing the stache get the smack down.  Nothing would make me happier than seeing the Wings advance past the Hawks to the second round.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 04/25/13 at 11:37 AM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Swagger is fun and all, but there’s a game to be played tonight.
First things first bitches. 2 points in regulation tonight.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 11:43 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Our boys have won two games and 22-in-a-row is tantalyzingly close, but all we really have at this moment are eggs.

Chicken-counting-whore-mouths shut, please.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/25/13 at 11:45 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Swagger is fun and all, but there’s a game to be played tonight.
First things first bitches. 2 points in regulation tonight.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 12:43 PM ET

Chicken-counting-whore-mouths shut, please.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/25/13 at 12:45 PM ET

I know, I know….sorry Dads.  I couldn’t help it.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/25/13 at 11:46 AM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Angst In Chicago

And even more this afternoon.

I’m driving to lunch, listening to the “Point” on NHL radio.

Apparently, NSH are starting Mason tonight instead of Wing-Killer Renne.

Mason:  1-5-1,  3.79,  0.848

The radio guys were speculating that NSH were trying to improve their Seth Jones sweepstakes chances - - hahaha!

Boo on you Q-stache

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/25/13 at 11:53 AM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Nothing to be sorry for Master Chief… hell after the angst and animosity ‘round here lately, a little bit of the old form isn’t a bad thing.
But there’s business to take care of, like kicking Nashvilles ass. It won’t make up for last spring, but these 2 points are huge. And there’s the whole helmet cracking Weber d-bag thing.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 11:54 AM ET

SYF's avatar

There’s the possibility of the Ingalls Sisters missing the playoffs as well.  SWM.  I know, I know.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/25/13 at 11:54 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

here’s business to take care of, like kicking Nashvilles ass. It won’t make up for last spring, but these 2 points are huge. And there’s the whole helmet cracking Weber d-bag thing.

That will be addressed redolently in the Live Blog MO.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/25/13 at 12:00 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Wow that was so good I think I’m going to upgrade my lunch from Waffle House to Cracker Barrel.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/25/13 at 12:01 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/25/13 at 01:01 PM ET

Neither serves beer, what the hell are you thinking???

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 12:04 PM ET

joedaiceman's avatar

Excellent - LMAO

Posted by joedaiceman on 04/25/13 at 12:13 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/25/13 at 01:01 PM ET
Neither serves beer, what the hell are you thinking???
Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 01:04 PM ET

I bet he takes a flask of Jameson with him.

 

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/25/13 at 12:14 PM ET

TKShreve's avatar

Venison + Hamms…? Nice.

In Detroit we have Strohs + Better Made.

High klass Detroit = PBR + more PBR.

Posted by TKShreve from East Uptown on 04/25/13 at 12:44 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Hell RW just go balls to the taint. Upgrade to Applebees. tongue wink

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/25/13 at 12:48 PM ET

RWBill's avatar


Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/25/13 at 01:01 PM ET
Neither serves beer, what the hell are you thinking???
Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/25/13 at 01:04 PM ET

I bet he takes a flask of Jameson with him.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/25/13 at 01:14 PM ET

Mama’s pancake breakfast absorbs all of that so it’d be wasted, instead of me.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/25/13 at 12:50 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Hamms from sky blue waters. Is it still a buck fidy a 6 pack?

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/25/13 at 12:51 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Hell RW just go balls to the taint. Upgrade to Applebees.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 04/25/13 at 01:48 PM ET

Not unheard of, but they don’t do pancakes!

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/25/13 at 12:55 PM ET

Avatar

Dream on.

Posted by jkm2011 on 04/25/13 at 01:00 PM ET

Primis's avatar

I said something on Twitter about it, but it amuses me to no end that all these teams (Sharks, Coyotes, Preds) seem to think they should have some sort of retrospective farewell to the Wings as conference foes… and that none of the Wings blogs give a sh*t, nor are they the least bit interested in doing the same.

Says a lot about the fanbases, doesn’t it?  We’re apparently incredibly-valuable to them, not-so-much for them to us…

Also, iffin’ ya’ll wanna’ laugh… go visit Hoag’s site and read tonight’s game preview.  It’s hilarious, in that sad kinda’ way that sums up everything about the Preds nicely IMO, and I’m including the comments as part of that.

And don’t forget:  sub-.500 is a “winning season”!!!!

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 01:03 PM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Hamms from sky blue waters. Is it still a buck fidy a 6 pack?

Here in GR,  it’s pretty pricey…about $2.40 for 6 (if you buy the 30-pack). smile

As for Coach Q’s worst nightmare, I’d like to see him face that scenario in the second or third round. Even though the Detroit-Chicago travel is better, I’m still hopin’ the Wings face the Duckies in Round 1. I have a vision of Fairy and GetsLaughedAt slumped against the boards in tears after a sweep. Makes me smile every time I think about it.

Don’t want to jinx the kid but DeKeyser is *#$%@& BIG TIME.

He needs another 15 pounds and a good haircut, but I agree 100%. My tension levels drops exponentially whenever he’s on the ice, even when he’s paired with Kindl.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/25/13 at 01:22 PM ET

BC's avatar

Hamms from sky blue waters. Is it still a buck fidy a 6 pack?

Crud, I must be old.  Still remember a 6pk of Ballantines for 89 cents.

Posted by BC on 04/25/13 at 01:41 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

In his last two starts, Mason has allowed 11 goals total.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/25/13 at 01:43 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Thank you, Chief!  I needed this perspective on Shitcago.  If the Wings keep going like they have these last two games - like they have their pants on fire - the Squawks fans have more to fear than we do.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/25/13 at 01:43 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

In his last two starts, Mason has allowed 11 goals total.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 22 on 04/25/13 at 02:43 PM ET

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/25/13 at 01:51 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Also, iffin’ ya’ll wanna’ laugh… go visit Hoag’s site and read tonight’s game preview.  It’s hilarious, in that sad kinda’ way that sums up everything about the Preds nicely IMO, and I’m including the comments as part of that.

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 02:03 PM ET

Say what you want about St. Lose or the Rent-a-Hawks, at least you never hear them talking about being “Central Division Rivals” with anyone.

Preds… CBJ… sorry boys…. rivalries happen in the playoffs, and first round curtain calls don’t make rivalries.  That called being a doormat.  It must suck to rely on the fake season for an identity as a fan base because you have no playoff history worth remembering.  “Central Division Rivals,” what a joke.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 04/25/13 at 01:56 PM ET

Primis's avatar

The Good News:  NHL GameCenter app is available/open for everyone on XBox Live this weekend.

The Crappy News You’d Expect:  You still can’t watch live games on it without a GC subscription, which… is kinda’ the whole point of the app.  Nobody uses the app to get highlights and recaps.  The NHL can’t even remove the broomstick from its aft for a single weekend to help hype up the push to the playoffs.  This is why the NHL always has been, and always will be, losers.

The Weak Consolation Prize:  The MLB.tv app will be open to everyone (Gold and Silver) as well, and will include all live games, save for the usual lame blackout restrictions.  So woo baseball fans.  You get free live games, any you want this weekend.

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 02:06 PM ET

RhymeTimeWingsDings's avatar

Was Danny DeKeyser the final piece to making this team settle down and play with some motivation?  Sorta. He came from a broncos team that got destroyed in the CCHA playoffs and didn’t make the NCCA tourney.  Whether he came underweight or not he came a player with something to prove.  Disapointment in one season glory in the other? Hmm correct me if I’m mistaken but I think from the moment The Greater Danny (of the wings) arrived in Detroit the roster and lines have remained more steady than in any other part of the season.  The Wings are bonding into something… well something.  The bonds being formed between new line mates (Franzen Going Center, Abby 1st liner, new faces) during these last few games are huge and only come from playing in high intensity games that no practice can replicate.  A team entering the playoffs by the skin of their teeth with guns blazing after concluding a emo whore of a season. VS The best team in the league (Pens + Western Conf. HOF’s are close now) that has rested up and are a deep team.  Hawks have known they were getting in for a while.  Has it bread complacency in them?  Is there more preasure on them to beat the Wings now that they’re the big dawgs on the block?  Chitown has their share of players with no playoff experience as well.  Cracking could ensue.  No long flights out west and back to destroy our sleeping habits will be nice too.  This is a defining moment for a number of wings as well. Big Jim has a new contract to live up to. Hank is in his first year of captaincy and his predecessors were both the bees knees.  Filppula and his agent are trying out a new stagedy called do nothing until it finally counts.  Young guys want to stay on the roster for next year.  This will be the best series this year one way or another.

Posted by RhymeTimeWingsDings on 04/25/13 at 02:12 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Was Danny DeKeyser the final piece to making this team settle down and play with some motivation?  Sorta. He came from a broncos team that got destroyed in the CCHA playoffs and didn’t make the NCCA tourney.  Whether he came underweight or not he came a player with something to prove.

Posted by RhymeTimeWingsDings from MMM LANSIN G on 04/25/13 at 03:12 PM ET

There’s also the fact that those young guys were playing in part because other guys were injured and the blueline was a freaking game of musical chairs every night.  Since the depth has come back, some semblance of stability seems to have helped as much as anything, even if the blueline still isn’t rally good.

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 02:20 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

“The Red Wings are 7-2-2 in the second game when playing on back-to-back nights.”

This is legen - dary.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/25/13 at 02:28 PM ET

Primis's avatar

BTW, if it gets forgotten in all of this…. for all the warts in his game, Brian Lahsoff deserves some credit for stepping in and holding the fort down.  He was probably still playing over his head this year, yet he did it and at times he was quite good considering.

If you didn’t like Lahsoff, think of who would have been called up instead.

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 02:35 PM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

BTW, if it gets forgotten in all of this…. for all the warts in his game, Brian Lahsoff deserves some credit for stepping in and holding the fort down.  He was probably still playing over his head this year, yet he did it and at times he was quite good considering.

If you didn’t like Lahsoff, think of who would have been called up instead.

Posted by Primis on 04/25/13 at 03:35 PM ET

All of this ^^^^

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 04/25/13 at 02:49 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

This is why the NHL always has been, and always will be, losers.

they’re like the guy running the corner store who doesn’t realize he should lower his prices by 2% so he’ll sell 10% more product…

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 04/25/13 at 02:53 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

The official NHL App does not even have a column for ROW on its “Standings” page.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/25/13 at 03:06 PM ET

SYF's avatar

The official NHL App does not even have a column for ROW on its “Standings” page.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 04/25/13 at 04:06 PM ET

So much for a league that prides itself as having the most technologically-savvy fanbase.  Jeebus, just look at the all the other sports leagues’ interfaces.  It makes the NHL look positive piss poor.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/25/13 at 03:15 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com