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Abel to Yzerman

All Aboard: Stress Train Will Be Full NLT 1900

Look.  You guys have to lay off.  Are you under the impression I stress less than you? Haven’t I proved that I’m the most pathetic stressor among us? 

Don’t I come up with silly juvenile phrases that indicate just how unable I am to function this late in the season?  Yet….you comment. You email me.  Some of you have called me.  More posts, you demand.  More fodder.  More childish wit to keep our minds off the game.

“You promised us an anti-Pronger post,” you say.  And yes I did.  Is there any doubt just how much I despise that big tub of temper, that one-cent headed behemoth of a tantrum waiting to happen?  No. There is not.  You know I believe that, despite my predictions of yesteryear, Homer and Franzen and Cleary and Bertuzzi are going to drive him to levels of mania that he’s never experienced. 

I keep seeing that commercial where the two dorks in the car in the woods are tormenting Big Foot?  He tries to reach the door handle and they drive five feet.  He tries again and they drive five feet.  They laugh, he gets angry. They laugh and he smushes them.

That’s two minutes in real life you big dummy. 

I see that happening. Datsyuk and Zetterberg buzzing around Pronger while he roars like Sasquatch, waving his hands around, stomping his skates. 

“One post an hour.  Every sixty minutes.”  Are you F’ing kidding me?  I’m so frigging nervous I can barely form a thought much less post once an hour.  You’re asking too much of me.  You’re stressing me out and it’s making me all clammy and I’m hungry and I’m thinking of going home.

But I’ll tell you this: Wings in 6.  Gramps wrote me the other night and had a pretty damn good look at the series from a numbers standpoint.  I’ll post the stats he uses in his argument later today.  But I’ll tell you what I told him:  I could see this thing ending in 5.  I really could.  And Hasek’s the reason. Not just because he’s in a zone, but because this team is completely confident in him. 

But, I’ll be all conservative because that’s what you expect of me…moderation. So, there you have it: Wings in 6.

I’m going home.  I can’t work. I can’t type, but I can eat and I can damn sure buy some cheap warm beer and guzzle it until 1930. 

All aboard.  Plenty of seats, plenty of room. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t hang your heads.  Admit your stress and board the train: the Stress Train.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com