Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 03/16/13 at 08:43 PM ET
In a stunning decision from the NHL front office in Pittsburgh, midget commissioner Gary.Ass Bettman announced just moments ago that Sidney Crosby has been named Cosmopolitan Magazine's Man of the Decade and that the NHL playoffs will start this evening. First round matchups will be announced thirty minutes before game times. If any visiting team can't make it to their scheduled game, that round will be postponed until the new glossy Crosby posters have been completely reviewed in Bettman's private office, with soft lighting.
None of that is true, except the part about Bettman being a midget, the Cosmo award for Rosby, the poster thing and the soft lighting. So, the playoffs aren't really starting tonite.
But if they were?
The Wings would be playing Vancouver. Is that some sort of crazy-ass coincidence or what?
Two of them. If Luongo has those, he's in tonite because of the violation Detroit levied upon him the last time out.
Whatever. The Wings, because they did last night, can score on the power play, win on the road and profess allegiance to their coach.
It's a late one and I'm guessing, maybe, two of you are sober. Have at it, by god. It's a Live Blog, bitches.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org