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Abel to Yzerman

All Is Well…Gary Says The Playoffs Start Tonite

In a stunning decision from the NHL front office in Pittsburgh, midget commissioner Gary.Ass Bettman announced just moments ago that Sidney Crosby has been named Cosmopolitan Magazine's Man of the Decade and that the NHL playoffs will start this evening. First round matchups will be announced thirty minutes before game times.  If any visiting team can't make it to their scheduled game, that round will be postponed until the new glossy Crosby posters have been completely reviewed in Bettman's private office, with soft lighting.

None of that is true, except the part about Bettman being a midget, the Cosmo award for Rosby, the poster thing and the soft lighting.  So, the playoffs aren't really starting tonite.

But if they were?

The Wings would be playing Vancouver.  Is that some sort of crazy-ass coincidence or what?

Nuts.

Two of them. If Luongo has those, he's in tonite because of the violation Detroit levied upon him the last time out.

Whatever. The Wings, because they did last night, can score on the power play, win on the road and profess allegiance to their coach.

It's a late one and I'm guessing, maybe, two of you are sober. Have at it, by god.  It's a Live Blog, bitches. 

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Comments

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CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

interference is still a penalty, right?
Posted by Hootinani from Just outside Delta College Admissions Office on 03/16/13 at 11:08 PM ET

Not tonight it’s not.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:09 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

They only have B/W photos so how do they know the old Millionaires’ jerseys were maroon?

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/16/13 at 11:08 PM ET

Someone misheard someone else when they said they looked like morons

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:10 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

and the rest is history

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:11 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Pavel adding to his Selke resume.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Pavel is freaking possessed - great back check

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

SHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

Bent's avatar

Gotta shoot there Z.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Shoot Hank - - WTF?

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Z fer chrissakes SHOOT THE DAMN PUCK

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:12 PM ET

Chet's avatar

these overseas feeds are shit. i like everything about uverse except no nhl network.

Posted by Chet from twitter: thegansen on 03/16/13 at 11:15 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Z didn’t get the shot off, but did get it passed backwards away from Luongo.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 03/16/13 at 11:15 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

What is with the Datsyuk man love? Datsyuk is much more than just instinctive. Babcock.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/16/13 at 11:16 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Wings need to SHOOT more…..

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 03/16/13 at 11:17 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

and more foals

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:19 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

4-3.

Lots of open ice

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:19 PM ET

Bent's avatar

Wow, 4 on 3, don’t see that much.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/16/13 at 11:19 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

sure be nice to get 2 PP goals from this

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 03/16/13 at 11:20 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Hiuh? A call? Bizarro World.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/16/13 at 11:20 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

sure be nice to get 2 PP goals from this

Greedy, much?

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:21 PM ET

calquake's avatar

sure be nice to get 2 PP goals from this

Mouth. Shut. Whore.  For all you dyslexics.

Posted by calquake on 03/16/13 at 11:21 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

hey its bizarro world tonight, its right to say it

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 03/16/13 at 11:22 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Fuching commercials I missed the 4 on 3

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Full control, no shots

brilliant

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

need more fuching shoot

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Lots of open ice

The Wings’ PP seems intent on using all 200 feet of it.  Absolute inteptitude both 4 on 3 and 5 on 3

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

The infamous 4x3 !  Has the other team scored short handed on us 3x4 this year yet?

Could see something new tonight.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

SHOOT. THE. FUCHING. PUCK!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/16/13 at 11:24 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Instructions are simple

shoot the fuching puck

nuff said

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:24 PM ET

Avatar

Full control, no shots

brilliant

Posted by Hootinani from Just outside Delta College Admissions Office on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

That was better than the last little bit of no control, no shots.

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 03/16/13 at 11:24 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Fuching commercials I missed the 4 on 3

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/16/13 at 11:23 PM ET

That’s okay. the Wings’ PP didn’t show up for it either.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/16/13 at 11:25 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

SHOOT THE DAMNED PUCK!!!!!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:25 PM ET

Bent's avatar

JFC.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/16/13 at 11:25 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Geebuz christo

shoot the damn puck

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/16/13 at 11:25 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

NOT ONE GAWD DAMN SHOT!!!!!!

can you get a hernia from yelling at an inanimate object?

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:26 PM ET

Avatar

Wasted PP, wasted timeout

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 03/16/13 at 11:26 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Did we even record a shot on that PP???

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:26 PM ET

calquake's avatar

can you get a hernia from yelling at an inanimate object?

Posted by Hootinani from Just outside Delta College Admissions Office on 03/16/13 at 11:26 PM

Sure, used to happen to me when I yelled at my ex.

Posted by calquake on 03/16/13 at 11:27 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Did we even record a shot on that PP???

I pounded a couple.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/16/13 at 11:28 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Sure, used to happen to me when I yelled at my ex.

Posted by calquake on 03/16/13 at 11:27 PM ET

ba zing!

Posted by Hootinani on 03/16/13 at 11:28 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Remember when we had tertiary scoring? Is it asking too much for some primary scoring?

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/16/13 at 11:29 PM ET

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com