Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

A2Y’s Trade Deadline Day Mandate

Good morning Kenny.  We’re not in the business of making demands here at A2Y. Yes we have expectations, but none of us would “demand” you do anything other than commit your very soul to keeping our team competitive, every year, for the Cup that belongs to us.

Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t have wishes. And when I say “we”, I mean “I”. Clarifying that for you because a few of the 19 are going to disagree. 

My wishes are not unrealistic and I’m going to offer you avenues to make them come true.

First Kenny, a few areas of concern that have led to my three glorious wishes.  Scoring is an issue unless Pavel Datsyuk’s on the ice.  Of our “snipers”, none have performed as we expected: Filppula, Cleary, Franzen, Zetterberg have been individually subpar.  Collectively, they’ve sucked.  And that’s at even strength.  On the power play, I get pee-shivers just typing those two words together. We’ve never seen it so bad. Ever, Kenny. 

You must get us a scorer. Not a fourth-line depth guy. Not a professional penalty killer. A scorer with a dagger.  And, while these are only wishes—not demands, it’s going to be very, very hard to understand if Chicago or San Jose land one and we don’t.  That will be a tough pill to swallow Tick Tock. That’s not a threat. Just a statement of fact.  If either of those two teams dramatically improve while we “get Dats back in two weeks..that’s our deadline move”.  That’s just gross.

Kenny, you have a potential, good news/bad news two-year window with Nick Lidstrom.  I’m betting the only way he leaves this June is with his fifth Cup in tow.  I can take that. I can handle a departure under those terms. What I can’t abide, Kenny, is the greatest defenseman in the history of hockey leaving after a playoff loss, after the organ-I-zation didn’t do everything possible to arm him for his final run.  What I don’t want to see, Tick Tock, is a similar scene to the one that’s been seared into our memories, one that featured another Captain and a tunnel in Edmonton.

So you go get him Kenny. Get us a game breaker for now and ever more.  Get us Rick Nash and plan to pay him 8 million/year for however long the math toads tell you can work. That’s wish number 1 with a bullet.  Offer Scott Howson any two players in our system. Any two. Brendan Smith (because we’re getting Suter this summer) and anyone else. And a pick. First round, second round. I don’t care.  Give it up.  And Kenny, if it means a roster player?  It’s easier for me to tell you who I wouldn’t include.  Ready? It won’t take long.

Here’s who I don’t put in a deal for Nash, a big, strong, sniper with great hands and a well of anger as yet untapped by the pansies down in Columbus:

Datsyuk
Zetterberg
Howard
Helm

The 1st and 3rd are obvious.  The 2nd is the heart of the team, and I still believe that.  The 4th because he’s a Red Wing by god. That kid is a Wing and I couldn’t bear to see him go.  Not even mentioning the brutal effect on at least one of the 19 from Brazil.

Anyone else?  Do it.  I say that keeping in mind the fact that Columbus wouldn’t take on Franzen’s salary anyway, and Lidstrom’s just a non-issue.  Homer’s too old and wouldn’t be asked for or included.  Anyone else? Deal-able.

Wish number 2.  Steve Ott. Oh my god I know we hate him. I know it.  I also know we hated Dallas Drake and Chris Chelios.  I don’t care. I’m not going to get emotional on you now because I want our Cup back.  If it means bringing in a scum bag to do it, I’m game. I have no scruples. None. I want the Cup and I want it this June. If Steve Ott can contribute to that, and I believe he can with grit and hate and some will to win, put him in red and white. And do it today.  I’d give up far less: a pick and a minor league player not named Smith.

Wish number 3, maybe tied with 2 or definitely in addition to 2: Teemu Selanne.  We need help on the power play and I really don’t think it’s coming from within.  It’s essential. If that power play doesn’t get much better we might be a first-round loser. I really believe that.  Another player we’ve hated, I know. And I don’t care. I just don’t. 

I don’t want to hear a damn thing about the future. You’ll get Suter this summer and probably Parise. So if you get Nash, give up Filppula and gain another sniper over the summer the puppies keep bouncing and licking places they shouldn’t. It’s pure joy. Yes, giving up a player like Wally is hard to imagine because we dig the kid.

Well, I dig Cups more.  A lot more. 

So those are my wishes Tick Tock. Nothing more. Not demands. I’ll still be a fan tomorrow if you don’t make them happen.  But the thing is, I’ll be a happier fan with 61 in red and white than I would be with 61 in teal. And if it’s not a GM’s job to make me and the 19 happy? Then I don’t understand what is.

Make it happen, Tick Tock. I want that parade and I want it the second Tuesday in June. This June, Kenny.

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Comments

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SYF's avatar

iwocpo @asktheduffer Tick Tock needs to quit talking to the Diggers and get on the damn phone.

Well, there’s goes a great cup of Java.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 04:56 PM ET

SYF's avatar

wyshynski Via @realkyper, Sammy Pahlsson to the Canucks

fuchers…

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 04:57 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

No TPH or Quincey on ice at practice. Did either of them get banged up the other night?

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 04:59 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

wyshynski Via @realkyper, Sammy Pahlsson to the Canucks
fuchers…
Posted by SYF from a “Bron-Y-Aur Stomp” on 02/27/12 at 01:57 PM ET

That sucks.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:02 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Fuching February is making up for lost time…

 

AnsarKhanMLive Lidstrom and Quincey aren’t practicing for Wings. Lidstrom was limping badly a little while ago. 50 seconds ago · reply · retweet · favorite


I think I’m going to be sick.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:04 PM ET

SYF's avatar

If it’s Lids, there was a hit by a Dives player last time.  They absolutely showed ZERO respect for Lids.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:05 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

This is the lamest trade deadline day ever thus far.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 02/27/12 at 05:05 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

5th seed here we come!  yeeeeeeeeehawwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/27/12 at 05:06 PM ET

Primis's avatar

So why is Quincey not practicing?

Yzerman and TB are trying to single-handedly save Trade Deadline Day though…

Posted by Primis on 02/27/12 at 05:06 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Ledger_NJDevils Former Devils D Johnny Oduya traded from Winnipeg to Chicago

Yet another slowfoot on defense.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:08 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

AnsarKhanMLive Lidstrom and Quincey aren’t practicing for Wings. Lidstrom was limping badly a little while ago

Like I said earlier this morning:  Opportunity is a fickle bitch.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/27/12 at 05:08 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

From Khan’s tweeter:

All 12 healthy forwards on ice. Franzen skating on third line. Clearly, they’re not happy with his performance of late.

I’d say Uncle Mike is just a little late to that fuching party.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/27/12 at 05:10 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Master Chief speaking eloquently for all of us as usual:


iwocpo Hell YES Kenny. Way to hold on to those precious 4th rounders. *#$%@&. RT @Aportzline: Two fourth-round draft picks for Pahlsson. 4 minutes ago · reply · retweet · favorite

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:11 PM ET

SYF's avatar

dshoalts Cancel dinner plans? RT @DarrenDreger: May be too late, but a late charge for Rick Nash!! Will NYR pay the price? Buckle up. #tradecentre

oooo…wonder who?

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:12 PM ET

SYF's avatar

tkulfan Franzen skating with 3rd lien today…..reflecting his recent performance

WTG, Uncle Mike.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:13 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

All 12 healthy forwards on ice. Franzen skating on third line. Clearly, they’re not happy with his performance of late.
I’d say Uncle Mike is just a little late to that fuching party.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/27/12 at 02:10 PM ET

Why punish the third line? They have been playing well.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:13 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

I’d say Uncle Mike is just a little late to that fuching party.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/27/12 at 02:10 PM ET

No kidding.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 02/27/12 at 05:15 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Great post Chief.  I had a feeling you would be stirring that pot.

Nash. If the math was easy, one of us would be GM.  In Tick Tock we trust.

Passing Wisdom, Let’s Review:

“Chelios will never be a Wing” Some old wrong dude.
“Babcock coaching the Wings?  Who? Hah, put down that crack pipe.” Some high wrong dude.
“Hasek? (1) He’s done. Stick a fork in him.” Some goalie breath wrong dude.
“Drake will never be a Wing” Some really old wrong dude.
“Hossa? A Wing, never happen” Some wrong dude in a tuxedo.
“Scotty Bowman with the Hawks, NO way!” Some wrong dude.
“Hasek? (2) He’s done. Stick a fork in him.” Some goalie breath wrong dude.
“Quincey, he’s gone!” Some not so fast wrong dude.
“Bertuzzi? A Wing? Not on your life” Some smart old wrong dude.
“Hasek? (3) He’s done. Stick a fork in him.” You really wanna go there, dude?
“Commodore in a Winged Wheel? Hah, Babs hates him…..” Some smart wrong dude.
“Osgood’s coming back” Some puck bunny wrong dude. (ette)
“Conklin will be a good backup” Some wrong dude, somewhere.
“Quincey, hes back! I knew it would happen” Some delusional wrong dude
“Commodore’s been traded, see I told you” Some narcissistic wrong dude.
“Hasek? (4) He’s done. Stick a fork in him.” Some never heard of Spartak wrong dude

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the prospect shuffle.... on 02/27/12 at 05:15 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

tkulfan Franzen skating with 3rd lien today…..reflecting his recent performance
WTG, Uncle Mike.
Posted by SYF from a “Bron-Y-Aur Stomp” on 02/27/12 at 02:13 PM ET

Freudian slip their by Teddy. All Wings fans would love to put a lien on Moose’s salary about now.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:15 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Yeah but that still means someone else who hasn’t been producing anyways then gets on the 1st line instead.

Once again, meritocracy FAIL.

Posted by Primis on 02/27/12 at 05:16 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Moose on the third line?  Wake up call.  If it only lasts for one practice and you don’t make it stick for at least a game or two though, it kinda rings hollow.  I’d stick him there indefinitely and make him earn is his time back just like oh, say back in 07/08.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/27/12 at 05:16 PM ET

SYF's avatar

freepwings Holland to Free Press: Nicklas Lidstrom has “bruise, is day-to-day.” Came to Joe limping

I am officially dripping from all of my orifices right now.

Fuch the Dives.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:18 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

freepwings Holland to Free Press: Nicklas Lidstrom has “bruise, is day-to-day.” Came to Joe limping about 1 minute ago · reply · retweet · favorite

That must mean TPH has a compound fracture.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:18 PM ET

SYF's avatar

iwocpo @adater another player you didn’t bond with Adrienne?
40 seconds ago

BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Right out there for the world to see.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:22 PM ET

SYF's avatar

freepwings More from Holland to Free Press: “Quincey has sore groin and is day to day.” See how Quincey and Lidstrom feel tomorrow morning

Did I mention my orifices leaking in the last twenty minutes?  FML…

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:24 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

more helene tweets:

freepwings More from Holland to Free Press: “Quincey has sore groin and is day to day.” See how Quincey and Lidstrom feel tomorrow morning about 1 minute ago · reply · retweet · favorite

Just shoot me.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:25 PM ET

SYF's avatar

From WebMD:

Treatment for Bruises
Treating a Bruise at Home

1. Reduce Bruising and Swelling
Ice the area on and off for the first 24-48 hours.
Apply ice for about 15 minutes at a time, and always put something like a towel or wash cloth between the ice and your skin.
Elevate the area above the heart.

2. Treat Symptoms
Recommended Related to First Aid
Understanding Dizziness—Symptoms
Feeling of motion when your body is still. Feeling lightheaded or that you are about to faint. Balance problems, such as being unsteady on your feet or feeling as if you might fall. Feelings of anxiety or panic. 

For pain, take acetaminophen (Tylenol). Avoid aspirin or ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), which can prolong bleeding.

3. When to Call a Doctor
If bruise is accompanied by extreme pain and swelling, especially if the person is taking a blood-thinning medication.
If bruises appear on skin for no apparent reason.

4. Follow Up
Two days after a bruise develops, apply a heat pack or wash cloth soaked in warm water to the area several times a day to promote healing.
Pain and tenderness should get better within a few days and the bruise should go away within a couple of weeks.

I still panic.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:30 PM ET

SYF's avatar

DarrenDreger Nash said to be almost emotionally drained by this process. Probably a fair bit of frustration as well. #tradecentre

Wings can make you feel better, Nash.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:32 PM ET

SYF's avatar

iwocpo @DarrenDreger A healthy dose of karen newman can solve that shit right quick. Do it Tick Tock.

HolyshitIrofl’d.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:34 PM ET

SYF's avatar

iwocpo @adater @tjgaliardi awesome. @adater claims @tjgaliardi was good two years ago, finds out he has a twitter account then climbs on his jock.

LMAO!!!

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:39 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

iwocpo note to @ticktockkennyhollandmypersonalsavior if rick fuching nash ends up in san jose i’m gonna lose it 43 seconds ago · reply · retweet · favorite

Gotta love the Master Chief

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:42 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Sharks get Winnick and Galiardi to fix their PK (which is actually worse than Detroit’s)

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/27/12 at 05:43 PM ET

SYF's avatar

He alone is making one of the most boring trade deadline days ever all the more interesting.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:44 PM ET

SYF's avatar

adater I’ll be honest I know next to nothing on Sgarbossa. Anyone want to fill me in why he wasn’t drafted?

Another young player who makes you drop your drawers and you can wrap your dirty little mouth around, Adrienne???

Ass.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:49 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

iwocpo things i would do with approx 25 million to spend: buy paulie a snowcone machine, a hat for Adrian (Balboa) and Rick *#$%@& Nash. 42 seconds ago · reply · retweet · favorite

Thanks for keeping me institches all morning, Master Chief

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 05:49 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Heading off to lectures, 19.  Catch ya on the flipside.  And hopefully, when I come home, I’ll see that Rick Nash is in a Wings sweater for a couple of draft picks and a prospect.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 02/27/12 at 05:51 PM ET

Avatar

Gaustad to Nashville. Sigh…

Posted by Herm from the office on 02/27/12 at 06:00 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Gaustad to Nashville. Sigh…
Posted by Herm from the office on 02/27/12 at 03:00 PM ET

Tick Tock has been blackballed. Nobody will trade with him except Stevie.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 06:01 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Attention, all sailors on the USS Carl Vinson: Give your Master Chief a wide berth for the next 24 hours.


iwocpo *#$%@& vomit. Great day Kenny. Fantastic showing. RT @kausatoday beat me to it—Gaustad to Nashville about 1 minute ago · reply · retweet · favorite

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 02/27/12 at 06:04 PM ET

Avatar

Holland to Freep: Wings done, no other moves today.

aWESOME

Posted by Herm from the office on 02/27/12 at 06:04 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com