Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

48 to 16 to a Tough Road To 12

I've decided to refer to our new defenseman (Tick Tock's big offseason move) as Fredo. I haven't tried to spell his last name once and never will. You won't see a single attempt here.  But I know that it harkens thoughts of The Godfather and when I think of the Godfather I think of Sonny beating the piss out of Carlo, Michael trying his best to stay pure like Pony Boy and sad sack Fredo just trying to stay one step ahead of the reaper. Consistently sickly, often a victim and the Corleone who just couldn't quite cut it.

According to every smart kid everwhere that describes our entire corps of defensemen, so Fredo shouldn't be isolated.

But he's new, so he is.

I don't have a nickname for Tootoo yet but I just have this itchy feeling that I'm going to dig him.  We've always liked his kind around here and he'll be no different.  Whatever moniker we come up with, it should probably be borderline racially insensitive.  Something Native American, a testament to his roots and his culture.  I'm Irish and I enjoy the "hooligan" references, always have.  They don't offend me.  I say that because I think, as a sign of respect for his heritage, we should refer to Tootoo as "Stirs Shit With Big Wooden Spoon".  Something like that.  We'll see.

Our backup goalie is new and he's a castoff.  A big bastard, Swedish and verbose most likely.  He allegedly knew Nick Lidstrom and likes him as a man, finds him attractive but not in the way you're thinking, just attractive because they're fellow Swedes and they understand one another.  If he plays more than ten regular season games we are destined for horrible sadness.  If he plays more than ten it's because James Tiberius Howard is either hurt or, worse, isn't playing well at all. I fear a goalie problem this "season" like a Sailor fears two years in the Philippines with a Penicillin allergy.

I believe this team is going to be prolific.  They'll lead the league in scoring, both even strength...and on the power play.  Oh my sweet baby Jesus. You drooling, babbling bundle of hope and leadership. You brought us one of your disciples and he, Tom Renney, will be our new god.  We will love him and bathe him in oils and praise.  Offensively, this team is going to be nearly unstoppable when Uncle Mike lets the kids play, when the health issues go away (that's stupid...they never have. Ever. We've been dealing with injuries for five years).  

Brunner will score and score as long as he's paired with Z and Datsyuk.  Watch this: Franzen will be on fire from the jump and won't slow down until July.  

Nik Kronwall will flourish and Brendan Smith will...at times. Offensively.  

But that defense is going to be the death of us and we all know it.  We must all understand this now: goals will be scored.  Ungodly numbers of them.  They will be ugly and they will be untimely.  We will suffer through them and the defense will improve, slowly.  They're very young, you know.  Big E...I can't even think about it. I've been avoiding the image of him on our top pairing.  Seriously.  That's disgusting.  Fredo and White and E and Nik.  Rookies and "offensive defensemen".  We will suffer.  But we will not suffer like our peers have before us.

We will not suffer like Blues fans who lived for decades in a urine-filled pool of uncertainty, not knowing from week to week whether their "team" had a playoff spot.  That's horrific.  And, you know what? They're still living it.  

We never will. Ever.  This team will force us to swallow bile, probably starting in about 11 hours or something.  But heritage is heritage. Law is law.  It's just science and it's the Red Wings.  Tick Tock may not have done  a damn thing to make the Wings "favorites" but he is who he is and that's good. The playoffs will come and the 6 day offseason that Gary guarantees will bring with it some necessary strengthening of our back end (shhhh...don't).  

Oh, and Zach Parise will not see the playoffs this year.  Ryan Suter won't either because Zach won't give him permission to watch.

The Wings won't win the Central but they'll be ready when the playoffs start next week.  

And we'll be live blogging it every step of the way.  Bullet Bob will kick things off at 1800 EST.  

God help us all and all aboard. Bitches.

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Comments

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RWBill's avatar

RSV

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 02:34 PM ET

shanetx's avatar

Can we pretend Tootoo is Samoan instead of Indian?  I desperately want to nickname someone Lennay Kekua.

Posted by shanetx from Floydada, Texas on 01/19/13 at 02:35 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Dougie why did you swap spit with Bert ? Hopfully he won’t be back for awhile until we sort out this logjam of 3rd and 4th liners. February is here early 19. Start the animal sacrificing NOW. (No exclamation point).

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 01/19/13 at 02:37 PM ET

thenumber19's avatar

“Im getting drunk as fck tonight, so whatever i do, its not my fault.”

Game on, bitches

Posted by thenumber19 from ND on 01/19/13 at 03:25 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

DROP THE FREAKIN PUCK ALREADY

sigh….

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 03:31 PM ET

monkey's avatar

So Helene gave Bert mono, huh?  She is close to the team.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 03:34 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I don’t know if this had anything to do with it.
—————————-

Bertuzzi stopped by all pissed because he’s out with a 37 year old groin, so I gave him my cat that’s been acting all high and mighty.  He just said, “grrrrrr”, or something, and stuffed it into a canvas bag and trudged through the covering of wet snow off into the woods.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/18/13 at 11:41 PM ET

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 01/19/13 at 03:37 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Bertuzzi stopped by all pissed because he’s out with a 37 year old groin, so I gave him my cat that’s been acting all high and mighty.  He just said, “grrrrrr”, or something, and stuffed it into a canvas bag and trudged through the covering of wet snow off into the woods.

And they call that thing “mono”.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 03:54 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Can we pretend Tootoo is Samoan instead of Indian?  I desperately want to nickname someone Lennay Kekua.

Doesn’t seem like a term of endearment.  Maybe “Catfish”.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 03:57 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Uncle Mike Asked TPH To Honcho Hike To 12

This isn’t going to be like Barry Sanders until Nick is 50 is it?

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 03:59 PM ET

dougie's avatar

I lasted 30 seconds into the piano bar music, and photos of the Kings as children during the banner raising in Hollywood before I was back to reruns of “Duck Dynasty”.

I tried, people, I really tried to be a REAL hockey fan. Briefly. If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

Posted by dougie on 01/19/13 at 04:12 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

I lasted 30 seconds into the piano bar music, and photos of the Kings as children during the banner raising in Hollywood before I was back to reruns of “Duck Dynasty”.

I tried, people, I really tried to be a REAL hockey fan. Briefly. If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

Posted by dougie on 01/19/13 at 03:12 PM ET

odd ... i had the same gut reaction, dougie.

is it RED WINGS’ game time yet? drop the puck(exclamation point)

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 01/19/13 at 04:19 PM ET

TheRealYooper's avatar

I tried, people, I really tried to be a REAL hockey fan. Briefly. If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

I feel like puking watching someone else handle our Cup.

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 01/19/13 at 04:19 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

Posted by dougie on 01/19/13 at 03:12 PM ET

As it is ordained to be.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 01/19/13 at 04:21 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

My mom has Comcast and they are not getting the Center Ice preview. Anyone else having this problem?

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 01/19/13 at 04:44 PM ET

Stevis's avatar

Kate, the NBC games won’t be on center ice.  You can get them on nbcsports.com however.

Assuming, of course, that this was your problem, and you weren’t just getting prepped for tonight.

Posted by Stevis on 01/19/13 at 05:01 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Posted by Stevis on 01/19/13 at 04:01 PM ET

Thanks Stevis. No, the problem is that she is not getting any games. I am with Verizon, and, have no problems.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 01/19/13 at 05:08 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Update. Comcast is a go.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 01/19/13 at 05:10 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

So is…um…something…

http://www.thefirstrow.eu/sport/ice-hockey.html

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 05:42 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I tried, people, I really tried to be a REAL hockey fan. Briefly. If it ain’t the Wings, I just dont give a shit.

+19

Posted by monkey from Finland on 01/19/13 at 05:50 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

So is…um…something…

Where is the “like” button?

SSWBWS , whether I like him now or never, just like guvment ,I think he is a necessary evil.

Posted by Rdwings28 on 01/19/13 at 05:51 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

Boy, do I feel born again. “it’s ALIVE, It’s Alive!!”

Posted by Rdwings28 on 01/19/13 at 05:58 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Where is the “like” button?

SSWBWS , whether I like him now or never, just like guvment ,I think he is a necessary evil.

Posted by Rdwings28 on 01/19/13 at 04:51 PM ET

Bookmark that bitch.  I use it to watch Tigers and Lions and Wolverine games too.

 

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 06:06 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

I feel like puking watching someone else handle our Cup.

It’s basically like saying you’re a REAL fan of sex, but then you actually see someone else banging your girl and realizing that you’re not a fan of sex in general, you’re just a fan of yourself having sex. DAMN YOU WOMAN.

What I meant to say is that I am glad to be back among you miserly bunch of half-drunk degenerates.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 01/19/13 at 06:19 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

for tootoo; The Tootinator

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 01/19/13 at 06:49 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 06:56 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Oh and there was this

I’m still puzzled though…

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 01/19/13 at 06:57 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

What I meant to say is that I am glad to be back among you miserly bunch of half-drunk degenerates.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 01/19/13 at 05:19 PM ET

Who you callin’ half drunk?? Take that back

Posted by Rdwings28 on 01/19/13 at 07:19 PM ET

cmk's avatar

Charter is NOT offering the Center Ice free preview.

Posted by cmk from the top part of MI on 01/19/13 at 08:48 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Evening bitches…they still pour rum in this joint?

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the prospect shuffle.... on 01/19/13 at 09:15 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Bueller?

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 04/22/13 at 02:41 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com